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Month: September 2011

Breakthrough

I’ve had a breakthrough. I have to warn you that, although this is significant for me, most people’s reactions are likely to be ‘Duh!’ or something along the line of ‘get a grip you introspective nut-job!’
This is it: the part of me that is resisting writing is not evil. It is not the Devil on my shoulder. It is not a manifestation of self-loathing trying to ensure my failure. It is not the noxious black tar poisoning my spirit that I had imagined it to be – at least it doesn’t have to be. It is the part of me that has learnt too well to protect itself. It is annoying – like those terriers that have a jumped up view of themselves as fierce guard dogs – but it means well and I can work with it.
A lovely woman has been helping me to realign my thinking in a more positive way – a bit like Alexander Technique for the brain. She had me visualise the part of me that was stopping me writing and the part of me that was encouraging me to write. Acknowledging the two and actively seeking to reconcile them has helped me to … well… write. I wrote 2000 words in one sitting last week – something I haven’t done for months. It felt great. And then I started questioning the worth of what I’d written. Och well, one step at a time.

Back to school

September. Back to school. Sharp new pencils and lots of good intentions. Back to school for my boy means that I can put aside my Mummy hat (stop channelling Martha Stewart as I redirect my creative urges into jam, chutney, relish and cake making, stop drinking tea with other desperate-eyed parents, stop honing my skills at Lego Clone wars for the PS3 and stop auditioning for the part of Crap Mum on Super Nanny – see previously mentioned activity. I can get back to being writer me. Oooo. What shall I do now?